Why (many) women struggle to put themselves first - and how to change it. (An International Womens Day Reflection)

​Why (many) Women Struggle to Put Themselves First—and How to Change It (An International Women’s Day Reflection)

On the 8th march 2025 it’s International Women’s Day. The day is held in recognition of ALL women no matter your age, your race, religion, financial status or where you are in the world. It’s a time to reflect on how far we’ve come, reflect on the challenges that still exist, and to celebrate our achievements. This recognition advocates for gender equality, and for women to cheerlead other women for the amazing things they are doing.
One of the biggest challenges I see in the women I work with is putting themselves first (and I have to say I am guilty of this on occasion too). We’ve been conditioned to prioritize everyone else, but at what cost?
If this is you I urge you to consider why you do this? And how you might go about changing it.
I’ve added some thought of my own on the subject:

Why Do Women Struggle to Prioritize Themselves?

1. We’ve Been Taught That Caring for Others Comes First

Traditional upbringing taught us that being a good person meant self-sacrifice - everyone else’s needs must come before our own. But here’s the truth—taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you care less about others. It just means you recognize that your well-being matters too. There’s a reason you put your own oxygen mask on first.

2. The Mental Load Is Exhausting

Ah, the invisible load women often carry. Whether it’s remembering school dress-up days, planning meals, or managing workplace dynamics. This “mental load” is draining, leaving little time or energy for personal goals. It’s said that women spend up to 20 hours per week more than men on this remembering and planning. If we want real gender equality, we need to start by recognizing and offloading the burden.
NB Equal is not only measured by the things you ‘do’

3. Guilt and Fear of Judgment

Ever felt guilty for taking a break or saying no? You’re not alone. Women are often expected to be endlessly available, and when we set boundaries, we risk being seen as selfish. But here’s a question—would you judge another woman for prioritizing herself? If not, why do it to yourself?
Top tip: When someone asks you to do something its ok to define the boundaries of what you are willing to do e.g. a friend asks you to look after their child at the last minute. You’re a good friend and want to help them but it’s the first time you’ve had time to yourself all week. You tell them you’re happy to help if it’s an emergency but otherwise you’d rather not.   

4. We Say Yes Too Much

Do you struggle to say no? It can feel easier to yes but this often comes at the expense of our own needs. Overcommitting can lead to resentment and burnout. Let’s make this International Women’s Day the moment we normalize saying no—without guilt.
NB: No is a complete sentence. No further explanation is needed

How to Start Putting Yourself First

1. Change the Narrative

Start noticing the stories you tell yourself and others. Are they actually true?
Challenge the idea that self-care is indulgent. It’s actually one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. When you take care of yourself, you show up better for everything and everyone else.

2. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

Protect your time and energy like they’re a precious commodity - You deserve to have your needs met. If something drains you or doesn’t align with your priorities, say no. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Side bar: Belief in deserving time for yourself can often get muddied when we have children as our commitment list is often huge. Of course we want the best for our children but how far does that go? Do you still get to do what you want and need too at least some of the time? If you’re not then maybe it’s time to readdress the balance.

3. Schedule “Me Time” Like It’s a Non-Negotiable Appointment

Let’s be real—if you don’t put it in the calendar, it won’t happen. Treat your self-care time the same way you would an important meeting. Because it is.
4. Ask for Help and Actually Accept It

Sometimes we feel like we have to do it all alone as we don’t have any option. In most cases though, there is help available even if we don’t realise it. Asking for help can feel vulnerable (depending on your beliefs), but by accepting you are not a machine and that you need help can actually be a sign of strength.

5. Let go of the Guilt

The next time guilt creeps in, ask yourself: “Would I judge another woman for doing this?” If the answer is no, then let it go. You deserve the same kindness and grace you offer to others.

6. Start Small

You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Small changes—like taking a 10-minute break, going for a walk, or reading for pleasure—can make a huge difference over time.

7. Surround Yourself with Like-Minded Women

Find a community of women who can be your greatest cheerleaders, not ones who judge or shame you for setting boundaries. Be brave in leaving behind relationships and creating space for new people in your life.  

8. Reconnect with What Brings You Joy

We can find joy in the smallest of places if we look. Sunshine after the rain, a comfy sofa and a nice hot cuppa after a busy day, chatting with a friend on the phone, the list is endless.
What did you love doing before life got so busy? Is it possible to start adding some of these things in, even if only on occasion at the moment?
Life is definitely too short to put your happiness on hold.

Final Thoughts

​This International Women’s Day, give yourself permission prioritize yourself.
Let’s commit to stop wearing busyness as a badge of honour (which only leads to burnout) and really start valuing your well-being.

When women take up space, when we say no without guilt, and when we put ourselves first, we can create a ripple effect that benefits everyone.

So, what’s one small change you can make today?

Would you like support in making changes in your life?

If this has sparked your interest, you can find out more about my coaching here, I’m happy to answer any questions you may have. No pushy sales, just an honest and down to earth conversation about whether coaching could help.

www.TristannMortimer.com

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