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5/3/2025 Why (many) women struggle to put themselves first - and how to change it. (An International Womens Day Reflection)Read Now Why (many) Women Struggle to Put Themselves First—and How to Change It (An International Women’s Day Reflection) On the 8th march 2025 it’s International Women’s Day. The day is held in recognition of ALL women no matter your age, your race, religion, financial status or where you are in the world. It’s a time to reflect on how far we’ve come, reflect on the challenges that still exist, and to celebrate our achievements. This recognition advocates for gender equality, and for women to cheerlead other women for the amazing things they are doing. One of the biggest challenges I see in the women I work with is putting themselves first (and I have to say I am guilty of this on occasion too). We’ve been conditioned to prioritize everyone else, but at what cost? If this is you I urge you to consider why you do this? And how you might go about changing it. I’ve added some thought of my own on the subject: Why Do Women Struggle to Prioritize Themselves? 1. We’ve Been Taught That Caring for Others Comes First Traditional upbringing taught us that being a good person meant self-sacrifice - everyone else’s needs must come before our own. But here’s the truth—taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you care less about others. It just means you recognize that your well-being matters too. There’s a reason you put your own oxygen mask on first. 2. The Mental Load Is Exhausting Ah, the invisible load women often carry. Whether it’s remembering school dress-up days, planning meals, or managing workplace dynamics. This “mental load” is draining, leaving little time or energy for personal goals. It’s said that women spend up to 20 hours per week more than men on this remembering and planning. If we want real gender equality, we need to start by recognizing and offloading the burden. NB Equal is not only measured by the things you ‘do’ 3. Guilt and Fear of Judgment Ever felt guilty for taking a break or saying no? You’re not alone. Women are often expected to be endlessly available, and when we set boundaries, we risk being seen as selfish. But here’s a question—would you judge another woman for prioritizing herself? If not, why do it to yourself? Top tip: When someone asks you to do something its ok to define the boundaries of what you are willing to do e.g. a friend asks you to look after their child at the last minute. You’re a good friend and want to help them but it’s the first time you’ve had time to yourself all week. You tell them you’re happy to help if it’s an emergency but otherwise you’d rather not. 4. We Say Yes Too Much Do you struggle to say no? It can feel easier to yes but this often comes at the expense of our own needs. Overcommitting can lead to resentment and burnout. Let’s make this International Women’s Day the moment we normalize saying no—without guilt. NB: No is a complete sentence. No further explanation is needed How to Start Putting Yourself First 1. Change the Narrative Start noticing the stories you tell yourself and others. Are they actually true? Challenge the idea that self-care is indulgent. It’s actually one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. When you take care of yourself, you show up better for everything and everyone else. 2. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them Protect your time and energy like they’re a precious commodity - You deserve to have your needs met. If something drains you or doesn’t align with your priorities, say no. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Side bar: Belief in deserving time for yourself can often get muddied when we have children as our commitment list is often huge. Of course we want the best for our children but how far does that go? Do you still get to do what you want and need too at least some of the time? If you’re not then maybe it’s time to readdress the balance. 3. Schedule “Me Time” Like It’s a Non-Negotiable Appointment Let’s be real—if you don’t put it in the calendar, it won’t happen. Treat your self-care time the same way you would an important meeting. Because it is. 4. Ask for Help and Actually Accept It Sometimes we feel like we have to do it all alone as we don’t have any option. In most cases though, there is help available even if we don’t realise it. Asking for help can feel vulnerable (depending on your beliefs), but by accepting you are not a machine and that you need help can actually be a sign of strength. 5. Let go of the Guilt The next time guilt creeps in, ask yourself: “Would I judge another woman for doing this?” If the answer is no, then let it go. You deserve the same kindness and grace you offer to others. 6. Start Small You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Small changes—like taking a 10-minute break, going for a walk, or reading for pleasure—can make a huge difference over time. 7. Surround Yourself with Like-Minded Women Find a community of women who can be your greatest cheerleaders, not ones who judge or shame you for setting boundaries. Be brave in leaving behind relationships and creating space for new people in your life. 8. Reconnect with What Brings You Joy We can find joy in the smallest of places if we look. Sunshine after the rain, a comfy sofa and a nice hot cuppa after a busy day, chatting with a friend on the phone, the list is endless. What did you love doing before life got so busy? Is it possible to start adding some of these things in, even if only on occasion at the moment? Life is definitely too short to put your happiness on hold. Final Thoughts This International Women’s Day, give yourself permission prioritize yourself. Let’s commit to stop wearing busyness as a badge of honour (which only leads to burnout) and really start valuing your well-being. When women take up space, when we say no without guilt, and when we put ourselves first, we can create a ripple effect that benefits everyone. So, what’s one small change you can make today? Would you like support in making changes in your life? If this has sparked your interest, you can find out more about my coaching here, I’m happy to answer any questions you may have. No pushy sales, just an honest and down to earth conversation about whether coaching could help. www.TristannMortimer.com
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 Life can be challenging, and as women, we often juggle multiple roles — careers, family, relationships, and personal growth — all while trying to keep everything balanced. At times, this can lead to stress, exhaustion, or feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Counselling provides a safe and supportive space to explore these emotions, gain clarity, and develop strategies for a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Here are some signs that you might benefit from counselling: 1. You Feel Constantly Overwhelmed If you’re struggling with stress, anxiety, or emotional exhaustion from managing work, relationships, or family life, it may be a sign that you need support. Feeling like you're barely keeping everything together can indicate that it’s time to seek professional help. 2. Your Mood Has Changed Significantly Frequent feelings of sadness, frustration, irritability, or numbness that persist for weeks or months may signal underlying emotional distress that counselling can help address. 3. You’re Struggling with Anxiety or Worry If your mind is constantly racing with worries—whether about your family, your career, or just daily life—therapy can provide tools to manage anxiety and help you regain a sense of control. 4. You’re Experiencing Relationship Difficulties Balancing friendships, family dynamics, romantic relationships, or workplace connections can be challenging. Counselling can help improve communication, set healthy boundaries, and navigate complex emotions. 5. You’ve Experienced a Major Life Change Life transitions, such as becoming a mother, going through a breakup or divorce, losing a loved one, changing careers, or entering menopause, can be emotionally draining. Counselling offers support and coping strategies during these significant shifts. 6. You Feel Stuck or Lost If you’re feeling unsure about your direction in life—whether personally or professionally—therapy can help you uncover patterns, set goals, and move forward with confidence. 7. You’re Engaging in Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms Using alcohol, emotional eating, excessive work, or avoidance to cope with stress may indicate underlying issues that could benefit from therapeutic support. 8. You’re Dealing with Trauma or Past Pain Unresolved trauma, childhood experiences, or painful memories can affect your present life and relationships. Therapy can provide a safe space to process and heal from these experiences. 9. You’re Feeling Isolated or Unsupported If you feel like you have no one to turn to or you struggle to open up to friends and family, a therapist can provide a non-judgmental space where you can express yourself freely and gain valuable support. 10. You Want to Prioritize Your Mental Wellbeing You don’t need to be in crisis to seek counselling. Therapy can be a proactive step toward self-care, self-awareness, and emotional resilience—helping you feel more confident, empowered, and in control of your life. Taking the First Step Recognizing that you might benefit from counselling is a powerful step toward positive change. If any of these signs resonate with you, consider reaching out for support. A counsellor can help you navigate your challenges, develop healthier coping strategies, and create a more fulfilling life. Book a Free Consultation here to take the first step toward greater well-being. |
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